Trump Files Application for a Writ of Habeas Corpus

3 min readNov 28, 2020

Breaking News: Trump Files Application for a Writ of Habeas Corpus with Supreme Court, Demanding Immediate Cessation of his Unlawful Incarceration

Reporting by Neil Turkewitz

The Nation’s Capital, November 28, 2020

In a dramatic and surprising turn of events, Trump’s lawyers have just filed an application for a Writ of Habeas Corpus with the Supreme Court, alleging that “his involuntary cohabitation and incarceration with the general population in the event he is forced out of the White House following a fraudulent vote, would be a shocking and unconscionable violation of Trump’s constitutional rights and an affront to liberty-loving Americans everywhere.”

The action was filed by top Trump lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who is not admitted to the Supreme Court Bar — leading to speculation by many Court watchers that both the lawyer and the subject matter did not confer standing. Undaunted, Mr. Giuliani alleged that an unspecified provision of law gave the Supreme Court unbounded authority to intervene when an important person’s feelings were sufficiently hurt. An unfazed Giuliani responded to those skeptical of the most recent legal challenge using his biggest words: “Go back to Venezuela.”

While legal scholars and Court watchers are aware that Writs of Habeas Corpus are predicated upon a wrongful determination by a court of law, Giuliani was not deterred, reminding the Court and public that the notion of Habeas Corpus reaches back to the Magna Carta in 1215, signed by King John no less, which provided “No man shall be arrested or imprisoned…except by the lawful judgment of his peers and by the law of the land.”

Giuliani conceded that perhaps technically, being forced out of the White House was not exactly imprisonment, but he reminded people of the emotional toll such an action would place on the President — a form of cruel and unusual punishment at the heart of the principles underlying Habeas Corpus. A unnamed member of Trump’s legal team stressed that the application of Habeas Corpus was appropriate here given the Magna Carta’s requirement that judgment must be both “lawful” and of “one’s peers.” White House Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, underscored that not only was the election unlawful, but that the President had no peers and was therefore judgment-proof under the terms of the Magna Carta.

Of course, central to the President’s case is the ability to demonstrate that the election was unlawful — something that his legal team has been unable to demonstrate in any of the many prior proceedings. However, showing their resiliency and creativity, the President’s legal team here argues a novel approach — that to reflect the will of the people, a vote must be cast for someone, not against someone else. He therefore demands a canvassing of all voters to determine who voted for Biden, and who voted for anyone-but-Trump. All votes for “anyone-but-Trump” should, his lawyers argue, be cast aside to better reflect the will of the people.

Trump agreed to abide by the will of the people as assessed under this procedure — tweeting “GOOD LUCK GETTING THAT DONE IN FOUR YEARS.” Upon advice from counsel, this tweet was deleted minutes later, but it would appear that neither the President nor his legal team is familiar with screen captures, and his tweet has gone viral.

While the Supreme Court has obviously not had time to formally respond to the latest legal moves by the President, Justice Kavanaugh did release a short statement indicating that he was inclined to support the President’s view, and that “every allegation of impropriety deserves careful and sober review.” Nearby, Justice Sotomayor was heard muttering “I live in cuckoo land,” after which she released a statement formally apologizing to cuckoos. The Cuckoo Preservation Society graciously accepted her apology, noting that “it was clearly heartfelt and sincere. But seriously people, stop with the cuckoo talk.”

Trump Files Application for a Writ of Habeas Corpus

Written by John Wooden